My 4yo's sleep turned to custard, here is what I did to manage that

My husband was away for work for a week, and my 4yo's sleep turned to custard. Let's unpack how I navigated that.

First, let's define what "custard" sleep for my 4yo looks like. 

• Difficulty getting him into bed at night

• Physically refuses to get into bed or into his bedroom

• Drags bedtime when we do get him into his room with every excuse under the sun

• Lot's of tantrums around things like "I don't like the colour of the door"

• Lot's of requests such as I am thirsty I need a glass of water etc, and anything else he can think of to extend the bedtime and avoid going to sleep.

• Then when I finally get him to sleep, he wakes 5+ times overnight and requires my assistance each time.

• He was having nightmares and would wake up crying and calling out Mama mama mama. I had to get to him as fast as I could so he didn't wake the baby up. 

I hope you cannot relate to the above, but if you do, just know that some kids, our more sensitive souls, sometimes behave like this when they have a lot going on internally.

When we take a step back and zoom out, we know that when one parent isn't home he naturally gets less 1:1 time in the evening. He also doesn't get any rough and tumble play from me because my husband enjoys that before bedtime, whereas I don't particularly so I skip it (btw, it is okay to skip things that you don't enjoy and replace them with things you do enjoy).

Let's bullet point the zoomed out picture:

• He is missing his Dad, who normally does his bedtime routine

• He is getting less 1:1 connection time

• He is not getting any rough and tumble play aka his sensory cup isn't getting filled up to help him fall asleep

• Bedtime is a time of separation, and for some kiddos, this can feel hard at times (especially when one parent is suddenly away and although he knows it is for work, his brain doesn't understand and it wants to protect him by ensuring a caregiver is close to him to keep him safe). This means he is extending bedtimes, not to be a pain in the bum, but because he wants that 1:1 connection time and he doesn't want to be left alone

• All of the above compiles and the nightmares tell us he is fearful and scared

I had lots of options, but what did I choose to do? Pick the path of least resistance and ride that wave. If my husband had been away for months on end, maybe I would have handled it differently, but for a week, this is how we managed it.

I put the cot mattress in the bedroom beside my mattress (both are on the floor). This meant I would lie beside the baby and feed her to sleep while he was right beside us on his separate mattress going to sleep himself.

This simple shift of sleeping environment meant:

• No more bedtime battles, he was eager and helpful throughout the entire bedtime routine

• He fell asleep easily and quickly

• He did not wake once overnight, he didn't need to check I was there, as his brain knew I was arms distance away from him.

On the first night his Dad was home he was back in his own bed in his bedroom without any questions asked. Bedtimes are back to being easy, he gets into bed after bedtime routine, says goodnight, turns his light off and goes to sleep by himself. We don't need to sit with him to help him get to sleep.

Reading the room and leaning into the connection he needed at a time when he needed it meant we all got the sleep we needed. I was never concerned I was going to make a rod for my own back and that he would never sleep in his own bed again. 

I hope this was helpful, if you have any questions, fire away!