The fallacy that we can & should be able to control our baby's sleep

Often as parents we feel like we should have control over our child's sleep. It has been ingrained into us since before we can remember, from the movies we see where babies are sleeping through the night in their own nursery to the comments made by extended family members that suggest what we are doing as parents directly correlates with whether our baby sleeps through or not.

I wish it were that simple. If it were, there wouldn't be a multi billion dollar industry built on helping parents get their baby's to sleep...

The reality is that sleep is a biological function, you can't make any human, babies included, sleep if they don't have enough biological drive to sleep. This is sleep 101.

There are factors that are within our control when it comes to baby sleep, and there are factors that are outside of our control when it comes to infant sleep. Understanding what falls into which category and knowing how to work with what you can control is often the difference between sleep feeling easier, and sleep feeling harder and soul destroying.

Here is a list of things we can control when it comes to baby sleep:

• Balancing sleep pressure

• Supporting current developmental phase

• Optimizing & supporting circadian rhythm

• Exposure to daylight

• Timings of sleep

• Temperature

• Quality 1:1 connection time

• Addressing health concerns

• Working with your baby's temperament

• Learning your baby's communication cues

• Meeting sensory needs

Here is a list of things we can't control when it comes to baby sleep:

• Biological sleep drivers

• Temperament

• How a child responds to development

• How a child responds to teething/pain

• How a child responds to being sick

• Genetics

To make sleep feel easier we need to take the lead on what we CAN control and understand the rest is up to the baby. We can't control sleep all of the time, although we are sold a lie that we "should" be able to control our baby's sleep.

Say it with me: "How my child sleeps is not a reflection of my parenting ability"

I hope this takes some stress off you and allows you to breathe a sigh of relief.

We can absolutely make changes to sleep, especially if sleep isn't feeling sustainable as it currently is, but we can't always control sleep. Clear as mud?

I will leave it there for now,

Ciao for now,

Ainslee